


Room For Something Else

by catandfox



Category: Doctrine of Labyrinths - Sarah Monette
Genre: Anal Sex, Blow Jobs, Canon Disabled Character, Dream Sex, F/M, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mutual Masturbation, Past Rape/Non-con, Post Corambis
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-24
Updated: 2020-07-24
Packaged: 2021-03-04 23:40:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25494757
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catandfox/pseuds/catandfox
Summary: After an unfortunate incident in a rainstorm, Mildmay finds himself having unwanted thoughts about someone unexpected.
Relationships: Kay Brightmore & Mildmay Foxe, Kay Brightmore & Vanessa Pallister, Kay Brightmore/Mildmay Foxe, Mildmay Foxe & Felix Harrowgate, Mildmay Foxe/Kolkhis
Kudos: 7





	Room For Something Else

**Author's Note:**

> I've never been much of a Mildmay with anyone shipper (much as I love him), but once it hit me that Mildmay and Kay would actually work really well together it wouldn't let me go and I had to figure out how to make it happen. So here's a fic.

**Mildmay**

The thing about Grimglass was, it rained a lot. So you'd think me and Kay would be prepared and not wandering around without our coats like a couple of kids in their first septad. Except we weren't, which is how we found ourselves outside in a rainstorm. It wasn't far back to the lighthouse, but between my leg and Kay not being able to see the way back we might as well have been walking to Esmer, and both of us were soaked when we got there.

"Powers, Kay, I'm sorry. I should've noticed those black clouds coming." I handed him a towel for his hair and put the kettle over the fire.

"Is only water, Mildmay," he replied. "I have had worse."

And I'd had worse walking halfway round the fucking world with Felix, but sitting around cold and wet's a good way to get the Winter Fever and I told him that. Kay frowned so I added the Corambin word. "Pleuriny. And that ain't no fun. Best put our shirts in front of the fire. I've got some dry things upstairs, be right back."

We hung our shirts up to dry and I headed up to my room. If I'd known coming to Grimglass would mean actually living in the lighthouse, with the cold and the damp and all the stairs, I might've had second thoughts. I mean I'd've come anyway, along of not having anywhere else to be, but maybe the living arrangements wouldn't have been such a nasty surprise. My leg, already not liking being soaked, decided it didn't like the stairs either and started cramping. I made it to my room and the edge of the bed, where I sat down hard. The muscles in my right thigh were rigid like an iron bar. No way I was making it down those stairs again.

I was still there, massaging the cramp to try and loosen it and running out of curse words, when I heard Kay coming up. 

"Mildmay?" He stopped in the doorway.

"In here. My leg," I said by way of explanation.

Kay nodded. "Then we'll make do here. Where are those clothes?"

"Dresser to the left. Second drawer." Me and Felix'd give him the tour when we'd moved in - kitchen on the first floor, me above that along of it being the least amount of stairs, Felix above me - so Kay already knew where the furniture was. He followed the wall to the dresser, quick and confident, and dropped the clothes on the bed next to me.

"Let me help. Take your trousers off."

There was no arguing with his tone, he still gave orders like he was sending men into battle. He didn't mean anything by it, and my leg hurt too fucking much for me to care anyway. I slipped my trousers down and he knelt in front of me.

He dealt with my leg the same way he dealt with everything else, no fucking around. His fingers felt lightly around the scars, getting a feel for the damage, then he scooped up some of the salve I used to keep the muscles soft and I gave half a scream as he dug in hard. For a moment I couldn't think of nothing but his hands. They were scarred like mine, broad and the fingers not so long. 

He knew what he was doing though, and when I could think and breathe again I watched the rest of him. His arms and chest were scarred too, still muscled even though he hadn't been a soldier for a while. Probably he still exercised like he was, he wasn't much for sitting still. I knew how that went. His shoulders were broad, built up from years of swinging a sword. He must've been quite something in action. He took hold of my right ankle and gently stretched the leg out, easing the thigh with his other hand. And it was then, against all fucking reason, that I started getting hard.

Turning molly, Milly-Fox? But my cock didn't care what the rest of me thought. My stupid cock was wondering what those strong fingers would feel like wrapped around it. I closed my eyes and tried to keep my breathing steady. 

I felt him shift and stop, and when I opened my eyes his head was tilted like he'd look at me if he could. He frowned, just a little.

"Mildmay?" he asked softly, and the way he said it I knew he was wondering what the fuck was going on too. I didn't want to say anything, but I could see in his face he was confused. I knew he was molly - violet, as he called it - and he knew that I wasn't. 

"Sacred bleeding fuck," I muttered. "Sorry, Kay. This don't happen when Felix does it."

"Felix is your brother," he replied. "And I am your friend. Is no shame in it."

"I know that." 

Sat there like an idiot, with my cock twitching and my trousers on the floor, I saw Kay's expression change like he'd made up his mind about something. His hand came up to cup my cheek, the one without the scar. My fingers closed around his wrist, and I was as surprised as he was that's all I did.

He leaned forward and kissed me.

His mouth was softer than I expected. He teased my lips with his tongue and then, powers and saints, he was licking gently into my mouth and I wasn't pushing him away. I heard a fiacre rattle up outside. Kay drew back when Felix slammed the front door open and called cheerfully up the stairs about the kitchen looking like a laundry and did Kay want the fiacre to stay for him. 

Kay stood up and pulled on my spare shirt, which was too long in the arms but fit in the shoulders. There wasn't time for neither of us to say nothing, because Felix was coming up the stairs. Kay moved away, I heard him explaining about the rainstorm and apologizing for the wet shirts in the kitchen, and by the time Felix made it to my door I was dressed enough to pass for respectable. Couldn't do anything about the way my cock strained at my trousers, so I left my shirt untucked and hoped he wouldn't notice.

Felix saw Kay to the fiacre and disappeared up the lighthouse, and I didn't feel much like chasing him up the stairs to ask about his day. I closed the bedroom door to do the only thing I could think of to stop the fucking ache in my cock, and made sure I was thinking about a gal while I did it.

  
**Kay**

There was time enough in the fiacre to dwell on what had happened, and I worked it into knots. I'd known something was wrong when Mildmay tensed beneath my hands, had thought at first it was simply the pain of his damaged leg. The stillness in which he held himself, his measured breathing, told me it was more. And then, the faint but unmistakable scent of arousal.

I had never desired Mildmay, never considered him anything more than a friend who was kind enough to read to me. Mildmay was not violet as I was. He had told me of past relationships with women, of Ginevra who left him and died, of Mehitabel the actress. Never of men. And yet, overcome by his nearness and the feel of him under my hands, like a fool I'd kissed him.

I rubbed at my eyes with the heel of my hands and groaned. The fiacre rattled to a stop. 

"Here we are, Warden Brightmore." The driver opened the door. "You need any help?"

I heard the front door open and waved him away with thanks. He took his payment and disappeared.

Vanessa came to meet me. "What happened to your shirt?"

I took her arm and we went back to the house. I explained about the rainstorm again, and she gave me the details of her arrangements to travel to Esmer. She was leaving Richard, her son and my stepson, in my care, although in truth I would have little to do. The servants were well used to looking after the boy in absence of his mother.

"Are you sure you don't mind me going?" she asked, although it wasn't the going she meant. There was a lover in Esmer, known but never discussed. We'd consummated our marriage as far as the law required, no further, and I had no intention of forcing her to celibacy because she'd had the misfortune of a violet husband foisted on her. Were I not worried about the servants overhearing I'd have told her as much, as it was I settled for telling her I'd enjoy the peace. She swatted me affectionately and kissed my cheek before she left.

I sat in the window-seat of the parlor, a favorite spot for the sun in the afternoons. Today there was no sun, only the endless patter of the rain as it fell unrelenting. I heard Vanessa close the front door and her light steps as she entered the carriage that would start her journey. 

It left me alone with thoughts of Mildmay. He had apologized, and I assumed he was embarrassed. But it wasn't embarrassment that had caused that reflexive apology. It was fear. His reaction had frightened him. Had I not been blinded would I have seen the fear for what it was, made light of it instead? That he hadn't pushed me away would force Mildmay to confront what had happened, instead of allowing us to politely pretend that nothing had happened at all. 

In a moment of weakness, his and mine, I had destroyed our friendship.

  
**Mildmay**

Domenica came around like normal, since the days weren't going to stop just 'cause I wanted them to. It was the day folks in Corambis, including Caloxans like Kay, went to church. Sometimes I went to keep him company, sometimes I didn't, and either way after that we'd head back to the warden's manor and I'd read to him. 

Which meant seeing Kay even though I still didn't know what to say to him. 'Cause if I didn't he'd probably think it meant I didn't want to be friends no more, that I was upset he'd kissed me. Which I wasn't, along of I could see how someone getting hard for you might give the wrong impression. But the fact it had happened at all still sat there between us, like a fat frog in a puddle.

The manor was walking distance, but it was raining so I hired a fiacre. Turning up soaked through would be all kinds of awkward, and I wanted my leg to be good in case I needed to walk back. The guy who opened the door was used to me by now. He took my coat and saw me to the parlor where Kay sat like he was staring out at the rain. His head came round as the door opened, his weird eyes aimed at nothing in particular.

"Hey," I said.

The relief that went across his face was like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. 

I read to him from a book of Caloxan stories, written down by a Corambin so of course there was a bunch they got wrong. Kay liked to snark about that, which was why I'd picked it. He was explaining to me something about why Caloxan prayer beads, coralines, are made of stone, and I watched the way he lit up when he got to point out a mistake, and wondered why it'd been him of all people to set my cock off.

Kay wasn't beautiful, not like Felix was beautiful. He had a square jaw and a snub nose, was shorter than me but broader, all soldier's muscle and solid weight. I couldn't figure it out, and I couldn't stop looking. He moved like he was a cat someone had put in a cage and he wasn't happy about it. With my leg, I knew how that felt. 

It took me a moment to realize he'd stopped talking, and I'd just sat there like an idiot. A little red-headed maid brought in tea and a plate of little sandwiches, and we sat in awkward silence until she was gone.

Kay helped himself to sandwiches while I poured. Bad manners, probably, but neither of us had been raised to think it was the sort of thing that mattered. I filled a plate and sat back. I hate to eat in front of people, since it ain't a pretty sight what with the scar, but I didn't mind eating in front of Kay. It wasn't even that he was blind. I was starting to realize that I wouldn't mind even if he hadn't been, 'cause the scar didn't make one bit of difference to what he thought.

"I cry your mercy," he said. He was cradling this ridiculous tiny cup made of leaf-thin porcelain, and frowning like the tea had upset him. "I should not have taken advantage."

"Powers Kay, it ain't your fault. I could've stopped you." Except if that was true I would've, and I still couldn't figure out why I hadn't. "I mean, I still ain't molly, but it wasn't bad or nothing. Still friends?"

"Yes," he said firmly. "Still friends."

~

If I'd thought us talking about what had happened would fix it, then I'm exactly the half-wit Keeper always said I was. Because I couldn't get it out of my head that I was the one who'd got hot for Kay, and every time I tried to figure it out I ended up seeing him knelt before me, his hands on my leg, and my cock would get involved again like it was the one supposed to be doing the thinking.

It got so bad I was even dreaming about him. It always started out the same, with my bad leg, but then sometimes he'd reach a bit higher and start massaging salve into something else, or he'd lean forward and take me in his mouth without so much as asking. And in the dreams I never pushed him away and I never asked him to stop, and my cock reacted the same as it did for a gal because a mouth is a mouth when you get right down to it. 

And then I'd wake up, hard and horny as anything, and have get myself the rest of the way. 

After a couple of septad days of this, even Felix started to notice something was wrong. 

"Are you alright?" he asked over breakfast, which was about the only time we saw each other those days what with him being busy with hocus stuff and fucking a duke, and me being busy running the lighthouse. "You look tired. Is it the Winter Fever?" It was the right season for it and it got me most years.

"Ain't sleeping well," I replied. And it occurred to me to be fucking glad we were done with the binding-by-forms 'cause otherwise he'd have been able to share my dreams which would have been the absolute bitchkitty. Then I wondered if he'd shared them when I'd dreamed about Kolkhis. "You ever dream about fucking someone you don't want to?" The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them, and I couldn't take it back.

He tilted his head to look at me and his skew-eyes narrowed. "And who, exactly, are you dreaming about?"

"It ain't you, if that's what you're thinking." I was pretty sure he'd dreamed about me, not that he would've minded. 

"I entertained no such thought," he said, and we both knew he was lying. "You are, as you have so often reminded me, not interested in men."

"What, you never dream about women?" 

He gave me a long look and I felt myself go red. "Sometimes," he said finally. "That doesn't mean I want to sleep with them, any more than you want to sleep with Kolkhis just because you still dream about her. Sometimes dreams are just dreams, Mildmay. Remind me tonight and I'll ward them for you, so you can get some rest."

  
**Kay**

Next Domenica, Mildmay was agitated about something. He was distracted, stumbling over words he'd read to me a hundred times. Eventually, after Maurina brought tea and sandwiches and retreated, I could stand no more of it.

"Out with it, Mildmay."

"What?" He said it with all the guilt of Richard caught with a hand in the cookie jar.

"Something troubles you. Tell me."

He mumbled a reply and let his scarred lip mangle the words, something he had a habit of doing when he wanted not to be understood. I let my gaze fix on approximately where I thought he was, knowing it made him uncomfortable, and stayed silent. I was learning over time to wield my blindness as a weapon where once I'd have wielded a sword. After a moment he sighed.

"Don't want things to change between us," he said. "I still want to be friends and all. But..." My heart sank as he paused. I made to reply but he charged on as if he needed to say the words now, all at once, to say them at all. "What happened has made things weird. I'm not molly and never thought I was. But I been thinking about it and I don't know why it happened, or what it means. Fuck me sideways, I'm saying this all wrong."

"No," I replied. He had shown less feeling telling me how he'd been raised as a thief and an assassin and I chose my words carefully, hearing how close he was to breaking. "What happened between us made you question what you thought you knew. Why become aroused over a man, if not violet?" He made a shaky little noise that might have been a laugh. "When I was a soldier, there were many nights before battle I lay with men knowing that, an they lived, they'd return home to their wives. They weren't violet, except that circumstances made their need stronger than their inclination. And some liked men and women equally, and took as they found. I don't doubt you like women, Mildmay. Whatever comes of it, I promise you, nothing need change between us. Was as the night before battle, nothing more. I will not mention it again, will not ask anything more of you, unless you ask it of me."

"Okay," he replied, and he sounded easier if still uncertain. "You want me to finish this chapter?"

"Yes, please" I replied, but I heard little of what he said. I was wondering, instead, what had happened to make him question himself so badly.

  
**Mildmay**

That night I dreamt I was fucking Keeper.

It wasn't anything new. Like Felix had said, she kept fucking me in my dreams even after I walked out on her. We were in that big bed of hers, and I must've just come back from a job or something 'cause she was horny as I'd ever seen her. I was thrusting slow and careful, along of she didn't like me to get there before she was done, trying not to let her see how much I didn't want to be there and how much my cock did. She'd wrapped her legs around my hips, grinding up against me, and I knew what was coming 'cause I'd seen that look in her eyes before.

"Pretend I'm a boy, Milly-Fox. Pretend you're fucking a boy."

She'd done that to me once for real, and laughed when I'd panicked, gripping hard with her legs until she got what she wanted. This time I gritted my teeth and kept going, and when I looked down it was Kay underneath me like he'd been there the whole time. I was deep in him, his legs locked around my hips and pulling me close, and he was hot and tight in a way Keeper never was. He bucked up to meet me faster and faster, and the heat was building in my balls when I realized I could feel his cock digging into my belly. I didn't even have time to wonder how I felt about that before he tensed and cried out. I felt his cock throb as he came between us, and it was enough to tip me right over the edge. I came with my cock inside him and my arms wrapped around him like it was all I'd ever wanted.

I woke up a hair away from coming into the bedsheets. As I lay staring up into the darkness, I thought, so why exactly would fucking Kay be worse than fucking Kolkhis, Milly-Fox? Other than that you think you ain't molly? 

Keeper's assassin before me was a girl called Lettie Prell, and we all knew Keeper was fucking her. We all just assumed Lettie preferred girls. But when I thought back, Keeper had fucked the kid before Lettie too. And after Lettie, she fucked me. Later, when I was up at the Mirador with Felix, I'd asked her new favorite if she was fucking him yet, and had it right. 'Cause if you're training up one of your kids as an assassin, it makes sense you'd keep them on a short leash.

I'd never wondered before if maybe Lettie Prell would rather have fucked boys than Kolkhis. 

I did now.

  
**Kay**

Once a month I would visit the lighthouse as Warden of Grimglass, to receive a report from Felix as the lighthouse keeper. In reality Mildmay made the report, while Felix pretended interest or was absent entirely. 

Mildmay opened the door to me. "Felix ain't here. He's off fucking your brother-in-law and thinking I don't know that's where he is." He sounded amused.

"Murtagh is only barely more subtle," I replied, closing the door behind me to keep out the draft. The lighthouse kitchen was small, the fire lit, so the heat returned quickly as we sat at the table and went over Mildmay's report. It took little time, since nothing had changed since the previous month.

"You want more tea?" He was already moving as he asked. I heard the soft tap of his cane as he made his way to the range, the only sound he made when moving despite the ruin of his leg. 

"Please." I waited at the table as he filled the kettle and placed it over the heat.

"I been thinking," he said tentatively. "What you said, about fucking the night before a battle. It really never changed things?"

"Never," I replied. "Made comrades closer, in some cases, but I never judged a man for wanting to return to his wife. I understand need."

He moved to the counter and the spoon rattled against the tin as he measured out the leaves. 

"I hope you're right." His voice was steady, but there was an undercurrent of tension that made me turn towards him. "'Cause the dreams ain't going away. I mean, they do when Felix wards them for me but then I start having them awake which don't help none. And I don't know how to fix this, except by seeing how far it goes. I tried not thinking about things before, back in the Mirador, and it ain't exactly a healthy way to live."

I was on my feet before he finished. "Mildmay, are you asking...?"

"For it to be the night before battle?" he replied. "I guess I am."

I crossed the room in three easy strides, pressed into his space until his back was against the counter. I was close enough to feel him trembling but holding himself still. There was history there, I thought, and more than just never considering himself to be violet. Slow and careful then, in case haste made me out to be a liar. I reached out to take his face in my hands, marveling as I had the first time at the smoothness of his skin, and leaned in to kiss him.

For a moment he tensed. I thought he would push me away and make his choice, but instead he melted into it. I gave him my tongue, gently at first then matching him as he kissed me back, hot and urgent. When I reached down to cup him through his trousers he was already half hard, coming to firmness as I gripped his length through the fabric. His hips pressed forward into me. I slipped my other hand inside his shirt, felt strong and unexpected muscles in his back and shoulders. He shifted in a way that ground him into my groin and I moaned despite myself, already erect. 

Mildmay shifted to lean his weight against the counter, and I was mindful of his bad leg but he continued to press into my hand. His hips bucked after me as I moved away. I undid the drawstring of his trousers with careful fingers and reached in to explore the length of him before wrapping my fingers carefully around his shaft. He made no sound, except that his breath was ragged. I wished bitterly I could see his face, read there whether he truly wanted me or was simply finishing what he'd begun. Then he moved, had my trousers unlaced and one hand inside before I understood what he was doing. He'd been trained as a pickpocket, I remembered, before his long fingers closed tentatively around me and I was undone.

It had been a long time since a man touched me. I groaned. The feel of him goaded me to hardness that was almost painful and I bucked against him with no more control than a virgin. His other arm pulled me close. In absence of sight and sound all of me focused on where he gripped me, his body against mine and his tongue filling my mouth. I felt him bite back a moan. My cock throbbed in response and I cried out as I came, spilling myself over fingers that gripped me hard and tight.

It was only when I was done that I realized Mildmay had not finished, and that somewhere in the middle of my own selfish pleasure I'd lost hold of him entirely.

I eased back and he let me go. "I cry your mercy," I said. "Did not want this to be an abortive fumble in your kitchen." 

"Seemed like you needed it." His voice was rough as he moved to take the water from over the fire and handed me a damp cloth. "You ain't the only one understands need."

"You didn't finish."

"Then let's go upstairs. I mean, if you want."

I turned my head to him. "You're sure?" Even now I wasn't certain he meant it.

"I told Felix he wasn't allowed to fool around in the kitchen," he replied. "I guess I should follow my own damn rule."

"Quite," I replied, and followed him to his bedroom.

  
**Mildmay**

We went upstairs and I shut the door behind us even though Felix wouldn't be back for hours. Then I just stood there like the world's biggest halfwit, because I didn't have no clue what to do next. I mean, I'd gone up to rooms with people before but never a guy. My head was starting to go in that cold, clear place it did when I was in the middle of a job and there was nothing to be done but see it through. And that wasn't no way to think about what I'd asked Kay to do, except I was scared.

Scared of what, Milly-Fox? Scared you won't like it, or scared you will?

Kay seemed to pick up what I was feeling, because he came up close like he had in the kitchen. "An you want to stop, or are in pain," he said, touching the top of my bad leg, "tell me."

"I will," I promised, because both of us needed to hear me say it. 

He started out started out by kissing me again, and it was easy 'cause I knew how to do that. All I could think about was how he'd touched me before, and how I'd pushed into his hand. This time he kissed harder, and kept his hands busy unbuttoning my shirt. I returned the favor, fumbling like I'd never undone a button before and glad there was no one behind me with a stopwatch. 

We took our shirts off and I threw them to one side so Kay wouldn't trip on them. His hands were all over me, gentle as he stroked my chest and arms and shoulders, his fingers tracing the scars. It was stupid, but I realized then he didn't know what I looked like. I mean, he knew about the scar on my face and that I had red hair but that wasn't the same as seeing. I touched his shoulders, felt how strong his arms were. He'd have made a good cat-burglar, with muscles like that. 

Our trousers followed the shirts. I was half hard again, just from the touching and the kissing, and Kay made an appreciative noise and leaned into me. His hands swept down my sides, over my hips, and I thought he was going to finish what we'd started downstairs. And, powers and saints, I was disappointed that was all it was gonna be.

Kay dropped to his knees. One hand found my cock and then his mouth was around me, all hot and eager. I bit back a moan as his tongue worked me the rest of the way hard, and my hips kept making these little bucking movements until he grabbed them in both hands and pushed me against the door. He drew back slowly and shaped his lips around the head, then took me in again, further than I thought was possible. His throat muscles worked around me and I tried to keep my breathing under control, my balls feeling hotter and tighter as he took me deeper. I grabbed his hands, trying to move with him, but he was strong and he kept me pinned against that door like a butterfly on a board.

Maybe he would have finished me right there, but I'd been standing too long and my leg wasn't going to take much more.

I gasped. "Kay!" 

He drew back, and I could see his disappointment.

I shook my head. "My leg."

"Ah." He took my hand and led me to the bed, and I went without even wondering what he meant to do next. "A short break, then," he said and disappeared behind the screen, that Felix had told me was for dressing behind and that I never bothered with. I pressed my fingers into the muscle of my thigh but it felt like it was just tiredness, not a cramp. Kay was gone a little while, and by the time he came back my leg felt better and my erection was gone.

"I ain't..." I cleared my throat as he came came to the bed with the little pot of salve I kept by by the washstand. "I ain't never had being sucked off feel like that before."

"Is that good?" 

"Fuck, yes."

He lay down and put the salve between us, and I realized with a shiver he meant for one of us to fuck the other and I wasn't sure which way round he wanted it.

Ain't that what you signed up for, Milly-Fox, when you invited him up? I wasn't sure which way round I wanted it, either, because the thought of him thrusting against me down in the kitchen, his cock hard in my hand, and what it would have felt like to come with his throat working around me, was doing funny things to the inside of my head.

Kay kissed me, long and slow. His hands teased over my chest, grazed my nipples, and dipped lower until I had to keep from bucking up to meet him. He frowned and leaned back like he wanted to look at me.

"What?"

He shook his head. "This is the first time I've lain with a man since I was blinded. Would that I could see how you react when I touch you, see your eyes widen with desire or your hands clench in the sheets. But I can't, and you make no noise to guide me. Even when I have you in my mouth."

He wasn't the first who'd told me they wanted me noisier in bed. I thought for a moment.

"Keeper didn't like it," I said finally. "She didn't want no one having more fun than she did."

"Your Keeper taught you bad habits," he said, mock stern. 

"Like thieving and murder-for-hire," I agreed. Powers Milly-Fox, but that ain't the sort of thing normal people say in the bedroom. "Sorry, Kay. I'll try. I don't want you to stop or nothing."

"Good." 

Kay rolled on top of me. He caught my hands, pinned them above my head with one of his. I thought he was going to kiss me again, but instead he nuzzled at my neck and jaw, kissed lower to nip my collarbone and rasp his tongue over my nipples. He teased them hard, first one and then the other. I tried not to hold back the noises building in my throat as his thigh nestled between mine and pressed down on my cock.

"Better," he said, his voice raw. "Better, Mildmay." He bent his head.

This time he fucked my mouth with his tongue.

He rocked against me in time with it. All I could feel was him, the hard lines of his body and his tongue filling me. My cock was hard between us and I bucked with him. When I tried to pull my hands free he shifted his weight to keep me down and kissed me harder. I moaned into his mouth. I wanted to touch him. I wanted him to touch me like he had in my dreams. I wanted more. 

I tore my face away from his kisses and he bit my neck.

"Kay... Sacred bleeding fuck. Kay, please...." I wasn't sure what I was asking for, except it he didn't let me come soon I was gonna go batfuck nuts.

He shifted away, leaving my cock twitching at the air. A moment later his hand wrapped around it, warm and slick, and I nearly came right there except Keeper had taught me not to do that, too. 

Kay sat up and straddled me. "This is your last chance to stop," he warned.

"Don't want..." I had to start again to make the words come out right. "Don't want to stop," and then tip of my cock was inside him before I even worked out what he meant to do.

"Wait! Ain't you got to get ready first?" And then I realized what he'd been doing behind the screen. 

"Am ready enough," Kay growled and eased down further. I pushed up against him, but careful because I didn't know if I should.

When he had all of me he started to rock gently against my hips. I moved with him, and once I'd started I couldn't stop. My cock was hard enough to hammer nails. Kay shifted his hips slightly, and the next time I went into him he gave this groan that shuddered right through him.

"Mildmay..." He groaned again, and the look on his face was one of fierce joy. He was starting to get hard, his cock bouncing against my belly, and the thought that it was just me being inside him doing that made my cock harden even more. I nearly knocked the salve on the floor scrabbling for it, but managed to coat my fingers and slide them around him.

His eyes widened in surprise. I started to work him to the same rhythm we were moving and, powers and saints, the feel of his cock slick and growing in my hand was like nothing I'd expected. He ground into me and growled as I grabbed his hip with my free hand. Then we were moaning and moving together, faster and harder. He clenched around me like an oiled fist. I felt him shudder, his come warm on my belly. Then I was coming too, hard and deep inside him like I'd never had sex before in my life. 

When we were done Kay lay alongside me, his hand on my chest. I felt all boneless, like we'd been fucking for days.

"Well, fuck me sideways."

"I cry your mercy," Kay replied, but he was smiling. "I am not sure I could rouse myself a third time."

We cleaned up, and I went downstairs to fetch the tea. And that's where I was when Felix sailed in, bright as anything, and found me with everything hanging in the breeze and a mug in each hand. His eyebrows went up.

"I see you have company," he said. "Anyone I know?"

Fuck it, I thought. He's gonna find out anyhow, we do this again. "Kay." 

It was worth it for the way his eyes bugged out. "Kay Brightmore? The Cougar of Rothmarlin? That Kay?"

"You know any others?"

For once he couldn't find a thing to say, and I left him still thinking about it as I went back upstairs.

Kay was waiting for me, still on the bed but under a blanket like he wasn't sure how I'd feel about a naked guy in my room. The room smelled of sweat and sex which wasn't no bad thing. "Felix is home?"

"Yeah."

"You told him." It wasn't a question, and I could hear he didn't quite believe it. 

"Yeah, I ain't ashamed or nothing." Then I thought maybe Kay hadn't wanted anyone to know. "Sorry, was that the wrong thing to do? He won't tell anyone if I ask him not to."

Kay waved it off and took a mug. "Vanessa has her own lover, and knows I'm violet. As does Murtagh. I'm just surprised."

I shrugged, and then remembered he couldn't see it. "Ain't no sense in trying to hide it, that's like pretending it didn't happen. And I wouldn't mind if it happened again. I mean, I'm not sure if I'll want to do what you did, maybe that's something you gotta work up to, but fuck, Kay I'd go again if Felix wasn't downstairs."

"You mean it." And he looked just purely stunned as I slipped under the blanket to sit with him..

"I mean it. You want to go into battle again, just let me know."

His free hand brushed my thigh and fell back to the bed. "You never cease to surprise me, Mildmay."

I thought about what we'd done, how I'd never wanted anyone the way I wanted him pressed against me and his cock in my hand. How I still wasn't molly, but maybe there was room for something else.

"Me too," I said.


End file.
